To begin let me just say, I am 36 weeks pregnant. This means that in four weeks I am going to push a human out of my vagina and my life will change forever. In an estimated four weeks from now I will have to care for this little human and hope for the rest of my life that I don’t screw up her life. That’s right! A little baby girl will soon bless my soul with seemingly unconditional love. Until she turns 13, then I will only embarrass her and be used as a living ATM.

Going back to this whole giving birth situation. I refuse to watch any birthing videos. Why would I want to watch another lady’s nether regions be tortured when I don’t even want to see my own. I will stick to simulations using golf balls and balloons thank you. This being said I have made a vow to my body and mind to have a natural birth. As natural as having a baby in today’s world can be. What the hell am I thinking. No drugs!? Aside from the excursion my body will take on that drug free day, I will be birthing in a tub. Basically this means that I get to sit in a huge Jacuzzi like bath tub and hope that this actually helps with the pain.

Now that we have all the juicy stuff aside, I work in a hotel as a front desk agent. Meaning I am expected by guests to know everything about everything and always smile and nod. Fact: I know nothing about anything and I probably bullshit my way through three out of five shifts a week. The best part about working at a hotel is I meet a lot of strange people and I have plenty of hilarious stories to go home and tell people. Most of our guests are very kind, few are grumpy and one time a grown man made me cry. Let me remind you I am bearing a child and people will still be rude to me. There are no hall passes when you work at a front desk.

I have decided to work right up until I am 39 weeks pregnant. Initially I was thinking I would go on maternity leave starting December 1st. I was highly advised by many experienced mothers that I will never forgive myself if I decide to sit on my ass at home all day instead of coming to work and making that last rush of money as well as occupying my time. Apparently being a mother is unbearably boring and I should put it off as long as possible. So, taking in the advice of the older and wiser I have decided to stay on and work till I pop this Chicka out of me. So far not a bad decision, we will have to wait and see how the next few weeks plays out before I make up my mind on if I appreciate the advice or not.

To be clear, I decided to start this blog in anticipation of many hours of boredom and hilarious unfiltered stories to tell. I have no idea what I will write about or who I will even let read my material. My idea for this outlet is to be unfiltered but not to personal. I’m not afraid or ashamed of my personal life in any way, my personal life is also other people’s personal lives. Those stories are not for me to share. I do however plan to talk about whatever the hell else I want. To be continued.