Making Decisions are not on my list of things I do well. Not in the, what do you want to eat today way. I always know what I want to eat. Let me tell you cravings are distinct. I mean the kind of long lasting decisions that shape the future of other people. Specifically my unborn child. How the hell am I supposed to make decisions today for things that won’t happen for months or years that will in turn affect her for her entire life? How the hell am I supposed to say without a doubt that my response to every situation will turn out to have the best result? I don’t. Not possible.

There are so many decisions before she’s even born you have to make like, what is her name. The most asked question and let me tell you don’t say I don’t know because people give I don’t know strange looks. Next question, where will you birth, how will you birth, who is performing the birth. Me B*tch. Spotlight on me because I am the main character here. Obviously I don’t say that aloud…usually. Drugs or no drugs, whose last name will she have, is the nursery ready? Damn, are you writing a biography on me? Do I get royalties after this interview? I don’t even know what I’m cooking for dinner tonight or if I’m even cooking let alone what form of discipline techniques I will use in four years.

That’s another thing, actually parenting. No you can’t have a fourth slice of pizza, no you can’t watch anymore paw patrol, no you cannot sleep over at Mary-Janes house. I don’t even know Mary-Jane, she sounds like a trouble maker. I knew me some Mary-Jane’s back in high school don’t try to pull a fast one on me girl. There are so many parenting books, classes, and advice columns. I’ve read a total of zero books or columns and take the occasional development class provided by my government health-care system. My dad is very adamant on reading parenting books. How else will I know how to parent?! Well dad, how the hell did we do it before the 21st century? We figured it the f*ck out didn’t we. Of course once in a while I think about how terrifying it will be to reinforce certain behaviours and figure out how to raise a kind, thoughtful independent young woman. I’m a damn kind, thoughtful, independent woman and I sure as hell will figure out how to raise one myself. How? I have no idea because making decisions are not on my list of things I do well.